Ass boil. i have one. No, i'm not kidding. *facepalm*
i've had a nasty sore on my bum since late summer. i hate going to the doctor and like to think the body will mend itself if i take care of it, apply ointment, take extra garlic, et al. Apparently this boil is tenacious and popped back out last week. i'm thinking all this time it's a spider bite or something. Because really, a BOIL! That's just gross!
Friday night i show it to Mom (while i was visiting with the fam as they babysat Parker -- who i might add is adorable!), who promptly tells Dad, asking what brown recluse bites look like. "Well, the acid eats the skin and it never grows back." Thanks Dad. i was properly freaked. No more encyclopedia reading or nature shows for you.
But, mine didn't seem that bad, so i calmed myself and checked in online for CareNow. Being that i hate going to the doctor, doc-in-a-box is a good business model. i go when i need to and do the waiting for the doc at home.
In the examination room the poor nurse is asking me where the "bite" is and i point to my bum. What a priceless gift -- flustered nurses. She pulls out a pair of paper shorts. Oh goodie, i'm thinking. After consulting with the doctor, i indeed will have to put on the paper shorts -- but... they are pretty tight for my set of thunder thighs (i like to think that comic book heroines also have awesome sets of thunder thighs). So, of course she has a solution and slits them up the side. Thank goodness they were showing Elf on the TV in the exam room (cool, i know!), so i let myself be distracted from the humiliation. And, seeing their discomfort made it all rather amusing.
Apparently i'd done a good job clearing it out the night before. The doc was like, "how did you get it so clear?"
i replied, "I squeezed the heck out of it."
"Ew," he said.
Well, how else you gonna do it? Please don't imagine it... it's not a pretty picture.
i'm somewhat happy to report that i'm loaded up with antibiotics and warm compresses. Yes, thanks for caring, it's healing up nicely.